why the ego does not want to change

written by a prison-Sangha member

Our unchanging true self knows of its unchanging powers that are within us all the time. The ego mimics this same attitude in self-perception, as a measure of self preservation. The ego pretends to possess the same unchanging powers as the true self has, by creation and attachment to the perception of self.

This perceived self is not our true self, it is merely the path of awareness of the ‘I – ME – MINE’ thinking.

Our unchanging true self does not have to try to cling and attach to anything. Its nature is unchangeable anyhow, so to speak. It’s awareness remains active and unchanged by thoughts. Therefore we can differentiate between active and passive awareness.

Can we plan anything but still stay in active awareness? Since planning is done to get a needed reaction and to bring forth a desired change into our lives, the influence of our ego in our actions determine whether we can experience, what is termed mindful awareness in action MAIA.

When planning is done with an unchanging mind (Zen mind) and the ego is not the driving force anymore, there is no more attachment to the perception of self as in ‘I – ME – MINE’.

What is making it so difficult for us to change our ego, is that our true self has to realize its powers in active awareness first.

(from ‘inside’!)

MAIA in Helderstroom Prison

On Monday the 30th of June, we presented the third one-day module of the MAIA Program - Mindful Awareness in Action at Helderstroom Maximum Prison. The workshop was attended by 39 participants, all incarcerated for serious/violent crime.
During the first module participants were left with the question - WHO AM I? as homework for the next session. It is exactly this question, their understanding and interpretation of it that once again reminded us of Zen Master Seung Sahn’s repeated admonishment: “Try, try, try for 10,000 years nonstop!”
Some participants felt threatened by this question and thought it pertained to details of their crime, or perhaps even involvement in the Numbers gangs – prevalent in most correctional facilities. Once this misperception was dealt with, and they were given some guidance as to how to approach the question they were left to explore it in whichever way they felt most comfortable.
In most cases, participants gave details of their name, place and date of birth and levels of education or lack thereof. They also mentioned likes and dislikes with regards to music, food and clothing. One participant simply said that he could not write anything about who he was, as that would be a lie - because he really did not know!
The question “Who am I?” is truly inexhaustible and it’s underlying meaning cannot easily be transmitted and attained after only two sessions of Mindful Awareness instruction and working with I, ME and MINE! Hence Ven. Seungh Sahn’s encouragement “Try, try, try for 10,000 years nonstop!”
During the second module participants were again left with a question as homework. This time: “if you could give anyone a gift, what would it be and who would be the recipient of this gift?”
95% of the participants approached this question from a purely materialistic perspective and mostly said they would give ‘this gift’ to their mother in acknowledgment of her gift of life, as well as her ongoing suffering as a result of their incarceration. A few participants approached this question from the perspective of their personal lack of education and said they would give themselves the gift of a higher level of education, as they truly believed that their crime/ incarceration is as a direct result of their lack of or low level of education.
The emphasis of the first three modules of the MAIA program is to introduce participants to the concept of moment to moment awareness or present time awareness and working with ‘I’, ‘ME’, ‘MINE’ versus ‘i’, ‘me’, ‘mine’ using various forms of meditation to facilitate this process: i.e. Sitting and walking meditation, listening and pausing meditation, breathing and eating meditation etc.
Bringing attention to eating meditation elicited lively discussion and detailed descriptions of the smell and color of food they eat on a daily basis. “We eat as quickly as possible to get it over as quickly as possible,” was the common thread of this interaction.

A teaching from - S. N. Goenka, The Art of Living called: JUDGEMENT, concluded this session and set them on their way (hopefully!) to approach their meal times with a different mindset:
“A sensation appears, then liking or disliking begins. This fleeting moment, if we are unaware of it, is repeated and intensified into craving and aversion, becoming a strong emotion that eventually overpowers the conscious mind. We become caught up in the emotion, and all our better judgment is swept aside. The result is that we find ourselves engaged in unwholesome speech and action, harming ourselves and others. We create misery for ourselves, suffering now and in the future, because of one moment of blind reaction.
But if we are aware at the point where the process of reaction begins--that is, if we are aware of the sensation--we can choose not to allow any reaction to occur or to intensify . . . in those moments the mind is free.
Perhaps at first these may be only a few moments in a meditation period, and the rest of the time the mind remains submerged in the old habit of reaction to sensations, the old round of craving, aversion, and misery. But with repeated practice those few brief moments will become seconds, will become minutes, until finally the old habit of reaction is broken, and the mind remains continuously at peace. This is how suffering can be stopped.”
In July, during a two-day module, we will begin to explore the levels of consciousness – intellectual, emotional, psychological and spiritual in an attempt to make available some tools and processes to further explore the question: “WHO AM I?”

Present-time Awareness

Henepola Gunaratana (from Mindfulness in Plain English)

Mindfulness is present-time awareness. It takes place in the here and now. It is the observance of what is happenning right now, in the present moment. It stays forever in the present, perpetually on the crest of the ongoing wave of passing time.

If you are remembering your second-grade teacher, that is memory. When you then become aware that you are remembering your second-grade teacher, that is mindfulness. If you then conceptualize that process and say to yourself, "Oh, I am remembering", that is thinking.

MAIA - What is Mindfulness?

The essential tool of MINDFULNESS is attention – not the weak, unstable reactive attention that is part of our autonomic functioning, but a strong, stable and volitional attention cultivated in such disciplines as meditation.

Active attention = mindfulness and awareness, and this is the key. Attention in this sense, is not intellectual or physical. It is energy based - the same kind of energy that powers our emotions.

ACTIVE Attention is used to dismantle the wall that separates us from who/what we are. This wall consists of conditioned patterns of perception, emotional reactions, and behaviors. This wall has many components: conventional notions of success and failure, the belief that: “I am a separate and independent entity”, reactive emotional patterns, passivity, an inability to open to others, and misperceptions about the nature of being.

Dismantling these habituated, conditioned patterns, will not necessarily be a smooth or easy process – as a result of the fact that things don’t unfold in a neat, structured progression. Attention is the one principle on which we can always rely. Abiding in active attention, we meet every problem/experience we encounter in life and in practice in the same way and bring attention to that which arises in each moment with each breath.

Attention then, acts on the wall of habituated patterns in the same way that the energy of sunlight acts on a block of ice. Heat from the sun raises the level of energy in the water molecules, until they can no longer remain in the compact crystalline structure of ice. The crystal breaks up, and the ice melts into water. In the same way, ACTIVE attention penetrates habituated patterns and raises the level of energy so that these patterns have to break up. The energy locked up in these habituated patterns is released and is then used to power attention to higher levels. Step by step, moment by moment, breathing in, breathing out - ACTIVE attention increases in energy until even the sense of separation dissolves and we open to the mystery of being.

This process lies at the heart of all religions, but unfortunately through institutional settings, the vitality and immediacy of the lived experience is gradually covered over and lost.

A Catholic contemplative David Steindl-Rast, once pointed out: “dIrect experience of the mystery of being manifests in three ways: a practice that supports opening to the mystery, a celebration of the experience, and a way of life that arises out of understanding and insight.

When we are awake and present to the mystery of being, intention is determined by direct awareness that knows the situation, not by conditioned patterns and agendas. Thus, direct awareness code involves knowing and acting on the intention of the present.