Zen Retreat

by Kevin,

This retreat was a practical learning experience for me. I learned about the effects of emotional pain, how emotional storms rage in the mind and how they can lead to potentially insane actions. I learned however that these storms pass. I learned to deal with the storm, by firstly acknowledging it, and then by bringing my attention to my breath.

I learned that the mind can only fully concentrate on one thing at a time. During an emotional storm my full concentration is on the endless circulating thoughts, thoughts about difficult or unpleasant past experiences or thoughts anticipating future difficulties. As each bad thought arises I experience emotional pain, and the emotional pain builds up. These thoughts, if not seen and arrested, can drive us almost mad. I learned however that if the mind comes to its senses, by fully focusing on a sense object, the circulating thoughts are quietened and the storm starts to abate.

I learned that when sitting meditating on the cushion, the most powerful sense tool we have is the breath. I found that the mind can be calmed by concentrating fully on the sense experience of breath Feeling the air going in, feeling the lungs expanding, and at the top of the breath, ONE, then releasing, feeling the air escaping, feeling the lungs relaxing, and then at the bottom of the breath TWO, and then on. Outside, at end of the sitting I notice that the storm has passed.

But what did the storm teach me? Well three things, firstly that they pass, secondly that they are the result of my mind concentrating on something unpleasant , and thirdly that the mind can be stilled by shifting its awareness fully into the sense world, or to use the popular expressing “ coming to my senses “, and this is most simply done by following the breath, in and out.

On the way home from the retreat, my mind once again started to drift towards a difficult family situation, my mind started to dwell on it and once again I started to go down the emotional hole. At this stage I remembered another important everyday practice which is “don’t dwell in the drama”. But how do we stop dwelling in it? Again, come to the senses, follow the breath!
So, what is Zen practice, both formal and informal? What is a Zen life all about? For me, the object of a Zen life is simply to awaken to life as it is, as it is without a story. Zen practice is that set of tools I use to pluck me out of mind and to bring my awareness back to now, to awaken me to the present moment as it is without a story.

During this retreat four of us took Precepts. Thomasz took his first five. Johannes and Kevin took their next five, leading them into their lives as a “Dharma Teacher in Training”, and Ron took his next six as a “Senior Dharma Teacher”.

Since taking my next five Precepts, life has turned into a Kong-An, continuous Kong-An work in progress. And as with trying to solve a Kong-An, I keep finding out NOT THAT, and the Kong-An gets presented again.

This was a very strong retreat. Fifteen of us walked out after the four days of formal practice. May life bless us all with the lessons we need, may we be awake enough to see them, and may we learn to keep coming to our senses.

Zen retreat June 2009

by Jane,

My head is clear of muddled thoughts, my heart is light … one week after the 4 day Zen retreat … and this is what I notice, but am learning not to hold on to!! the acceptance of what is, and knowing that this is changing all the time.

4 days in Robertson at the Dharma centre – welcoming the silence, feeling at home with the smells of incense, delicious food cooking, rosemary and lavender from the garden, the comfort of the rituals and the discipline, the discomfort of my knees after the first day of sitting, the calms and the storms that flow through the mind, the love and compassion, the pain of thoughts.

My “mind” goes over and over the answer to a koan and then I think “This is it”, I have the correct answer – but no! and back to the cushion, keep it simple.

My love and thanks to Heila Soen Sa Nim and Rodney and all the members of the Sangha, and all sentient beings.

taking precepts, by 'Shim Kwang'

One minute of zazen,
 one inch Buddha.
Like a lightning flash,
 thoughts just
 come and go.
Look once 
into the ground of mind 
and nothing else
 has ever been.
Manzan Dohaku (1635-1714)

The June 2009 retreat holds a special place in my heart. It started out like many others, but ended very differently.

The retreat was very well attended; with a superb head Dharma teacher and his running commentaries; outstanding moktak masters; evening chant solo’s and exquisite food.

On Sunday we had the precepts ceremony, where Ron took on the Senior Dharma teacher precepts, Kevin and Johannes took on the Dharma teacher-in-training precepts. And six years after joining, I eventually also took a big step in my life and took the five precepts.

What made the precepts ceremony more meaningful was the fact that a few outside people and loved ones joined us. The ceremony itself was also very moving, and while sitting there, a sudden realisation took place: I was no longer doing this for myself; I was doing this for everyone else. What a responsibility! What a daunting task! What did I get myself into!

At the end of the retreat, in our typical circle talk, everyone had very insightful comments and a great sense of togetherness prevailed.

The retreat left me inspired and excited to go back to the world and practice – and patiently await the next retreat encounter.

Lastly I would like to thank Heila Soen Sa Nim and Rodney for their teaching, time and patience!

Shuzen Sensei Retreat

by Sangha member, Ryan

We had a full house in March with Shuzen Sensei, assisted by Jinshin, leading a Zen retreat in Roberston. The form was quite familiar to those accustomed to the Korean style of Zen: sitting, chanting, noble silence...


After we'd all had some time to quiet our minds, Shuzen conducted a workshop dealing with the I-System. For a change, we were asked to open our mouths on retreat! The workshop was a fusion of Western psychology and the Eastern Wisdom. It was an insightful experience that shed some light on the mechanisms of our delusion and causes of our suffering.

Shuzen's sense of humour shone bright and undermined each of our attempts to take our Identity System too seriously!

His way of being was the core of his teaching.
We look forward to Being Here with him again.

Reflections on the Kido Retreat

by Sangha Member Ron Schiff

What is it that makes anything memorable? Clearly there is the activity itself, but without the mindful connection of "being there", it would just become another brush-stroke in our everyday lives. I think too that when something stands out in relief, it is far more noticeable. And that is how I recall the Kido retreat last week.

Without wishing to make “same” or “different”, it was in many respects unlike our usual form of retreat – slightly later start, no morning bows and a noticeable shift from black cushions to straw bales in a much bigger Dharma Room out there beneath the open skies above Tamasine’s and Michael’s Natural Horsemanship Centre at Long Valley Farm behind Robertson.

But that was not the only difference. Perhaps the most significant transformation for all of us who commented on it later, was something in the practice itself that marked a tangible shift from the first to the second day of the retreat. For some reason, I personally found that first day a little strange and was unable to relax into the practice. Everything seemed somewhat theatrical and in hindsight I recognise my own checking mind. So on day two as we quietly took our places on the cushions in a darkened Dharma room surrounded by the soft glow of candles and joined in chanting the Om Nam mantra led by Heila PSN, everything was exactly the same as day one. Except that it wasn’t!

Something inexplicable happened that allowed us to connect at a deep level. Sitting there in the flickering candlelight, I remember fully immersing myself in the soft chanting and I had such a profound sense of sharing the moment with friends - Rebecca, Lauren, Dion, Darryl, Jane, Kevin, Ian, Tamasine and of course our wonderful teachers Heila PSN and Rodney. I am reluctant to explore the reasons for this change any further but I truly believe that it came about by attaining "no attainment with nothing to attain".

Later that day as we sat on straw bales in the garden, the sunlight just catching the tops of the mountains with the playful frolicking of the horses and bubbling of the nearby stream in the background, we struck an assortment of drums, moktaks, bells and even an upturned cooking pot, chanting for hours - sometimes with energy and sometimes just a quiet pulse. Heila PSN observed how passing the responsibility of leading the chants from one person to the other was just like handing over the baton in a relay race – that momentary shift in tempo before everyone settled down again to the new rhythm.

During this retreat, I was strongly reminded what my practice is all about – the awareness and the mindfulness are of course not ends in themselves but merely tools that help us to connect with something “bigger” than ourselves – to feel that profound sense of total engagement in what we instinctively know to be true and authentic - intangible and yet very palpable. Something that I recognised is already part of me. I had just forgotten it!

So finally, in deference to that old question about how many Zen monks it takes to change a light bulb, a recent psychology article agreed that it takes only one, but added that the light bulb really has to want to be changed. And there is no doubt in my mind that all of us who attended the retreat definitely wanted to be there.

In this regard, my love and warmth go out to our dearest friends Tamasine and Michael for so graciously opening their home to us - and to Heila PSN and Rodney, who make this all possible. My deepest respect also to all of you who were there, and likewise to those who were not able to physically join us. Michael who was on the sidelines mentioned how profoundly he was affected by simply witnessing our chanting, and I have no doubt that our practice in and of itself does indeed make a big difference to this world. I am reminded of something I once read by Thich Nhat Hanh who said "if you do not give yourself peace, how can you share it with others”?

Upcoming Kido Chanting Retreat

Chanting is a dynamic and energizing practice that is commonly used and form part of many religious and spiritual traditions. In chanting meditation we try to keep a not-moving mind – cutting off all thinking and just perceiving the sound of our own voice and that of others. With regular chanting, our sense of being centered gets stronger and stronger. When we are strongly centered, we can control our feelings and emotions, and thus the way we live our lives. Chanting meditation is a medicine to aid us in living a focused, centered and clear life – ultimately freeing us from the attachment to illusions and further suffering.

During this retreat we will practice at the Dharma Centre until after breakfast and work period when we will drive into the mountains to LongValley Farm - the home of Natural Horsemanship in South Africa. Here we will do two hours of continuous chanting - returning to the Dharma Center for lunch and a period of rest, followed by another two hours chanting in the mountains. Supper and evening practice will be at the Dharma Centre and will include more chanting. This routine will be repeated until lunchtime on Sunday.

In addition to bringing warm clothing, footwear, beanies, and neck scarves, participants are encouraged to bring percussion instruments to use during the chanting sessions. For those not used extended periods of chanting some throat lozenges might be advisable.

June Retreat

Our 1st winter retreat for 2008 was attended by 19 participants. The richness of Dharma, simplicity of together practice, tenacity and 'try mind' of the newcomers were an inspiration to all - serving as a reminder of the incredible importance of 'beginners mind'. As Head Dharma Teacher, Christine brought a strong and settled energy to the the dharma room, supported by Tamasine in the role of Moktak Master - who gently lead the chanting and called all to practice at the appropriate time - never to early or ever late! Join us for our chanting (Kido) retreat - August 22 - 24, 2008!

Collage from our Prison Retreat

During our Five-Day retreat in the Malmesbury New Prison, we asked a question each day, and allowed all present to reflect upon the question before writing it down. Some notes were anonymous, others had names. Sometimes we read our own notes, other times the notes were shuffled before redistributing them. It was a random decision – not allowing anyone to hide behind anonymity, encouraging accountability and honesty. Following are but a few of the comments – drawn in no particular order:

Maybe this will sound a little impossible, but I would like to be mindful in all aspects of my life.

To hold my child for just one day, to see him smile and to just be a little happier.


I came here to find myself. As an orphan I never found love, a home or stability. Through meditation I believe, by just being silent I will find comfort and peace of mind within myself, for the future. NOTHING will stop and deny me the opportunity to live again.

I regret that I am unable to support my ageing mother whilst in prison. That when I had a perfect partner I didn’t realize it until it was to late. That I ever started to use drugs. That I am such an attention seeker!

I would really love to change all my BAD habits into GOOD ones.

I regret not telling my father that I loved him, also the mount of time that I have wasted thinking about the past and worrying about the future.

I want to seek truth – to see things as they really are.

I sincerely wish to stay focused at all times, so that when anger and frustrations arise, I can deal with them in a way that I will not offend others.

I wish to attain the Truth. I know so little about myself.

I would like to stop making other people see things only my way, and stop getting carried away in excitement. I would like to be free from my habits. I would like to stop being controlled by my thoughts and to stop watching so much T.V. and sleeping late!

I regret not trusting my instincts at times, as this is one of the many reasons that I am in prison today. I also regret having too much pride – even when it is not necessary. This has led to the loss of so many things.

I would like to look at aspects of how to deal with temptations.

I would like to change my attitudes towards other people, to accept things as they are and to get rid of ‘I’, ‘Me’, ‘My’.

I commit myself to do a minimum of 1 hour of hard practice each day, developing mindfulness and to expand my practice by making use of a list of 20-activities which I have compiled, so that I am able to take this development of mindfulness into everyday life.


5-Days of pain and discomfort. An invaluable experience which I have no intention whatsoever of wasting by stopping now. The realization that practice is my life and that life can only be lived one moment at a time.

To stop moving from A to Z without enjoying what’s in-between. In short – living for the moment, and not letting my past determine my future. To let go of my baggage and bad memories.

I want to be less judgmental and be more meticulous.

I want to stop worrying so much about what other people feel and start worrying more about how and what I feel. In short, I want to be more sensitive to my emotional needs.

I regret not being there to walk my son to school. I have not seen him since he was born.

Sitting for four days, and only today I came to the realization how important it is to keep ‘Don’t know’ mind. So, in the future I want to commit myself to keep this ‘don’t know’ frame of mind and to be able to experience that fantastic one moment of before thinking!